my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
