I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
where are my eyebrows?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
