Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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