I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
