the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
