don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
