If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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