I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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