Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
