in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
