Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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