I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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