last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
