Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
