I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
