I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
