i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
