Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
