Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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