i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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