Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
