So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
