I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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