Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize