I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
