he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
