hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
