I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I party with great urgency now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
