dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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