So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize