So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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