Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
