And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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