I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
