Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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