Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
