dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
