rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
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