am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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