god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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