yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
