he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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