hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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