why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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