so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
