I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
