She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
