the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize