also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
