OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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