Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
why does every cop we meet know your name?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
