Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
