so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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