yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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