im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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