haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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