my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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