Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
