If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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