Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize