yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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