can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
