What a fucking waste of an outfit
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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