Sponge bath it is.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
