I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
