He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
