Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
