I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
