And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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