some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
