i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
