I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize