I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
