my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
