just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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