A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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